


The Little Blue Book

by lilcrabcrab



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: (when is he ever not), Alternate Universe - 1930s, American History, Fluff, Gay Panic, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Lee Jeno is a Panicked Gay, M/M, Meet-Cute, Mentioned NCT Dream Ensemble, Strangers to Lovers, United States Navy, banker's son!jaemin, but it's hardly there don't worry, navy man!jeno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-18 08:14:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21541180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilcrabcrab/pseuds/lilcrabcrab
Summary: Oh, to be a handsome young navy man in 1930 with curly hair and dirt on my nose on my break from hauling cargo from the shipyard, reading a Little Blue book titled Homosexual Life that I bought for 5c, pretending not to notice the banker’s son eyeing me in a truly sinful way.- acrowandaboy on Tumblr
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 18
Kudos: 115





	The Little Blue Book

**Author's Note:**

> This was ENTIRELY inspired by this one tumblr post I saw and my history-studying gay-loving ass did not hesitate to produce this so please give it love. And thank the guy who posted that on Tumblr he's cool: https://acrowandaboy.tumblr.com/

Jeno sets down a crate and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand, grimacing as some dirt dislodges itself from his palm and falls onto his face. The sun is high in the sky, and he squints at it through the patterning of long spindly masts. Half of the day’s work is done at least, and they’re on track to finish loading mid-afternoon. 

Being part of the navy is hard work, but Jeno loves it. There’s something relaxing and carefree about the physical work and the friendship of all the boys around him, and he’s glad to be lucky enough to have a job, at least. Some say that another war is brewing, far off in Europe, but under the bright sun and the bustle of the shipyard, it feels all but impossible.

“Hey Jeno!” Chenle, one of the newest boys in their squadron, slings an arm around his shoulder. “We’re hitting the bars tonight, wanna come? Haechan is convinced he can find us all a doll to bed.”

“Two each, mind you,” Haechan added, grinning. “How could they resist a charmer like me?”

Jeno laughs, pushing them away. “Save them for yourself, I’d rather not.”

Chenle frowns, then shoves back, his hand solid and warm on Jeno’s back. “A traditional boy, aren’t you? Look here, Jeno’s gonna get himself a good faithful wife one of these days."

If only they knew. Jeno surreptitiously pats the pocket of his uniform pants, feeling the rectangular impression of the book he had hidden there. “Not before you boys get a few unfaithful ones, I’m sure,” he retorts.

His friends laugh, then go on to their break. Loud banter about how many girls they think they can get travels back to Jeno on the breeze coming off the harbour.

Most days, Jeno would join them, but today is not one of those days. Today, he takes out the little blue book he’s been hiding in his pocket all day, dying to get a chance to read. He had bought it the other day for 5 cents, vaguely embarrassed by the title but too intrigued to leave it behind. If someone saw, maybe they’d just assume he was interested in learning more about it; after all, this sort of thing was getting more popular these days, wasn’t it?

He blushes at the very idea of it. Best to keep it as subtle as possible, even so. There’s a little bit of shade in front of the entrance to the bank, and he settles himself on a bench in that area. Surely, if he were to hide the title behind his hands, anyone would take it to be any of the countless other little blue books on the market.

This idea comforts him, and certain that there aren’t many people around here right now, he reaches into his pocket and brings out the book. The incriminating title, printed in simple black text, stares back up at him.

“Homosexual Life,” he reads, heart picking up at the sight. 

_...and he was the first man I knew in that sort of way. It’s surprisingly easy, once you realise that you both want the same thing. There is perhaps something special about the way that another homosexual acts - something that we can see so easily but that the common people can only guess at. When I first saw him, I knew it, almost certainly. When I saw him for the second time, I was halfway in love._

A foghorn sounds from the shipyard. Jeno looks up to see one of the ships leave, and then views his surroundings again. WIth a start, he notices that a young man is making his way out of the bank. Jeno holds the book closer to himself, but when it seems that he doesn’t have any sort of interest in what he’s doing, he continues reading.

_We loved like a high school couple; all shy glances and whispered confessions followed all too quickly by hands in places they shouldn’t have been and love letters promising the rest of eternity. Actually loving someone - so different from all the girls that I couldn’t feel for no matter how hard I tried - felt so much like a drug that I almost forgot it was illegal._

In the corner of Jeno’s vision, he thinks he can see the silhouette of the young man from before. He doesn’t know what he’s doing, and part of him is scared to look. There’s something about him that makes Jeno shy. Maybe it’s the way that he walks: confident in the most casual way. Maybe it’s the way that Jeno couldn’t have stopped himself from catching a glimpse of his lips, and the way that they arrange themselves on his face so perfectly.

Either way, he’s scared to look properly. The book in his hands is a welcome distraction, if he can tell himself that the contents of these pages won’t eventually provoke him further.

_I’ll never forget the way that he looked at me. His eyes burnt into my body like smouldering coals, almost unbearably hot yet never so much that I’d be uncomfortable. I knew I always wanted more: what that more meant was more difficult, sometimes. But he knew. He always knew._

The man is still there. Jeno sees cigarette smoke curling up from the blurry figure, notices his casual stance from the corner of his eye. Jeno is still reading - not distracted at all, no - yet he can’t help but place some part of his attention on the other man. Without actually looking up, he strains his peripheral vision to see him, and uses his imagination to fill in the gaps. Jeno is almost sure by now that he’s watching him too, but he doesn’t dare to look up.

He doesn’t know whether it would be worse (better) if the man were to meet his eyes, or if it were all a figment of his imagination.

_Sometimes, I consider how different my life would be if I had never met him that first time. If I had never even learnt his name, or seen him ever again._

“Son!” A sharp call sounds from within the bank, and Jeno whips his head around to see the banker striding out. “Jaemin-ah, come back and file these checks for me!”

“In a minute,” the young man says, stubbing out his cigarette and shoving his hands in his pockets as he ambles back over to the door into the bank. Before he enters, he turns around, immediately catching Jeno looking at him. 

A sinful smirk flashes at him for a single, heart-stopping moment. In Jeno’s panic to cover himself, he drops the book on the bench, looking away and to the shipyard to avoid his gaze. He thinks he can hear a soft chuckle before the door slams shut, but he pretends not to notice it.

Suddenly, Haechan is running up to him, face red and worried. “There’s been an accident with the ship, we have to go deal with it,” he gets out between pants. He grabs Jeno’s hand, running back down to the port without giving Jeno a chance to question him. As they get closer, Jeno hears yelling, and a lieutenant points him in a direction and tells him to get to work.

It’s only two hours later, when everything’s calmed down and he’s back in the rhythm of lifting cargo, that he pats his pocket and realises that a certain rectangular shape is missing.

The break time spent reading outside the bank suddenly floods back to Jeno. He curses, realising that he must have dropped the book on the way down to deal with this emergency. If he were to go back to get it, he might run into someone who knows him, or even worse, someone who’s seen the book. What would they think of him, someone who reads something like that? Jeno doesn’t even know whether he’d be able to bring himself to tell his friends what he’s lost.

But then again - that banker’s son, and the way he had looked at him. A reckless part of Jeno considers going back, if only to see him again. He had to look that man in the eye, even if it were jut to confirm to himself whether he really did look like that. Or whether he really did look at Jeno with such a terrible, enticing fire in his eyes. Perhaps he could see it again?

Although the notion is silly, that, coupled with the fact that he really really wants to continue reading (and could scarce wait to order it again and wait weeks for it to come in the mail), is enough to have Jeno striding up the port and onto the main street, hesitating only before he crosses the road to the bank. He thinks he can see figures moving around inside, but the door is closed. Likely the bank is closing for the day around now - it’s been getting earlier and earlier these days, anyways.

Before he can lose his nerve, he crosses the street and heads to the bench that he had been sitting on to read. There’s nothing on it, and a cursory look at the ground around it is similarly fruitless. He’s about to bend down to look more closely when the door of the bank opens loudly, and he hears footsteps coming towards him.

Jeno straightens up quickly, and then feels incredibly silly about it when he sees who it is. “Uh, hi, I was just-”

Jaemin shakes his head, smiling, and then produces the little blue book from behind his back. “Were you looking for this?”

“Y-yea, I. Yea.” Jeno takes it, and feels his cheeks colouring at an alarming rate. “How did you know?” he asks dumbly, as if it weren’t obvious in a million different ways.

Understandably, Jaemin ignores the question. “I flicked through it a bit when I had some free time.” He smiles. “It’s a good book, I really liked it.”

“Oh.” Jeno’s mind has completely failed him at this point, and he’s too embarrassed to even be annoyed about it. “You liked it? Did you, uh, was it because?”

“I related to it quite a bit, if that’s what you mean.” Jaemin laughs at Jeno’s wide eyes, but even Jeno can hear the fondness already seeping into it. Jeno feels a little giddy. “Especially the parts about meeting a cute boy for the first time. I was wondering whether you did too?”

After a significant shocked pause, Jeno manages to nod. “Yes, I really do. Especially…” He trails off when Jaemin takes a step closer.

“Especially now?”

Jeno nods again. Jaemin is right in front of him, his face filling his entire field of view. He doesn’t trust his voice to speak.

“Good.”

“G-good?” A warm dry hand has grabbed Jeno’s, and he forces himself to look into Jaemin’s eyes. They’re sparkling with laughter and fun, and more than anything else, secret, exciting promises. 

“I was thinking of going out to grab dinner,” Jaemin says. “Care to join me?”

“Sure-”

“And keep that book close. It’s time to live it now.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments much appreciated :( It's hard going in 1930, the early years of the great depression, even the smallest gift will be received most gladly, hope you understand...


End file.
